The gym is quite the unique village, full of weird and wonderful folks. Yet every village has an idiot, and therefore every gym has one, too. You might be that guy or girl if:
1. You perve like you're on Tinder
Admiring the physical form with a quick glance is normal, human behaviour. Locking eyes with a "I'll-be-boiling-bunnies-in-your-kitchen-for-a-post-gym-protein-meal-when-you-get-home" stare is downright creepy. Exercise, don't swipe.
2. You sport a stringlet
The classic singlet is standard gym wear, allowing for upper body freedom of movement. But the one made from dental floss and a few strips of cotton is exposing way too much hairy-back, nipple, and side boob. Rumour has it that Stereosonic is on hold for 2016, so maybe we'll see this one die a natural death.
3. You stink
You're not washing your clothes, and/or you're not bathing, then sweating it out in the gym. From a pre-workout shower, to deodorant and regular laundering, do what you need to do. And use a towel to wipe the equipment you just used; it's hygiene 101.
4. You take gelfies
You've checked in on Facebook to let everybody know you're at the gym - again. Super. In case we don't believe you, it's time for a few gym selfies (gelfies). Abs. Thigh gap. Glutes. Biceps. Posted straight to Facey and Insta, because the whole world needs to see your shrine of a bod. Carly Simon sung it best: "You're so vain …"
5. You train-eat-sleep-supp-repeat
We see you drinking your pre-workout, energy explosion drink. We see you post-workout with the creatine, whey, fish oil, and other pills. You're a walking supplement shop, yet don't know that a small steak contains 50-plus grams of protein.
6. You're a part-time nudist
You let it all hang out in the locker room. You take it even further by blow-drying your privates after a shower. No matter your shape, just remember: a towel is your best friend in the changing room, which is not your home bathroom.
7. You're the gym bully
You're the society girl who's better than the rest. Or that guy on a steroid cycle with aggravation in full force. From the desk attendant to the newcomer looking to lose some weight – you proudly intimidate them all with rudeness.
8. You think yours is THE only workout
Hello yogis and CrossFit junkies. If you're not doing yoga, drinking kale smoothies, and sharing vegan recipes, you're the sole cause for coral bleaching and our planet's demise. If you didn't vomit during a WOD and refuel with a kilo of bacon, then why are we even speaking?
9. Your workout wear sucks
The stringlet is in a class of its own, but if you're wearing jeans, thongs, going barefoot, or exercising in your work gear with a building ID dangling from your waist, it's time to invest in appropriate gear.
10. You video your workout
Gym vids are like family reunion photos – nobody wants to see them. Some weights went up, then came down. And there was a grunt. Yippee. You danced extra hard in Zumba. Woohoo. Unless Guinness was there to observe a record, we'd all prefer you posted cute puppy videos on Facebook instead.
Don't be that guy/girl ...
There are many, many more examples. You drop weights, hog machines, think every day is upper body day, chat incessantly on the phone, or shriek like Sharapova.
Be balanced. Quiet, yet friendly. Focused on form. Appropriately dressed. Helpful when called upon. Modest in the locker room. Be a man/woman with a goal, and looking to efficiently reach that goal.
Statistics show that more than 70 per cent of Australians are doing little to no exercise, so maybe the 30 per cent reading this can not just help motivate them, but also give them a few pointers on etiquette.
What are the most loathesome gym habits you've observed? Let me know in the comment section.
Passion for lifestyle change is the cornerstone for everything Michael Jarosky does. A Sydney-based personal trainer, he cajoled thousands of 51698009 readers to undertake his 'Cut The BS' diet, and champions a charity weight-loss event, Droptober.